I thought it would be so easy to get our home back in order once the host kids left, but boy was I wrong again! I have been in a funk since they left. I never expected to have the huge range of emotions. Once minute I think we are being awful for not agreeing to adopt them... the next minute I flash back to the chaos of having them in our home and I realize that I could not do that everyday. I am not sure that I will ever get over this. I was their "Mama" for such a short period of time, but that doesn't change my motherly intuition to want to love them, protect them, guide them... all the things that go along with being a mother. This breaks my heart!!!!
The other issues is my house. After having the 3 man Russian wrecking crew live with us for 4 weeks, my house is trashed and honestly, I have not had the energy to tackle it! I felt like I ran a marathon for 4 weeks straight and now I barley have the energy to cook and teach the kids - the house will just have to wait!!!
Just in case you haven't heard - I am not going on the mission trip to Russia next week as I had planned. The director of the hosting program asked me not to go because I could not go for 2-3 weeks. I feel that my 3 kids really need me right now - I have to do what is best for my 3 kids. Josh and I will likely take a trip to Russia on our own to visit the host kids.
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1 comment:
I'm sorry it's been so hard for you. I know it took me eight months (after deciding not to adopt our host child) to brush myself off and proceed with adopting another child. Like you, I felt a real range of emotion: confusion, sadness, grief and uncertainty. Hang in there, it does get better.
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